A Day at the Mall
by Demontale
Summary: Okay, this stars Rejal, Sven, Carmen, Marisa, Miguel, Drizzt, and Tage. All of a sudden they are on a battlefield, the next moment they're in Hawaii. Fun story. I was bored when I wrote it. Sue me. ^.~ All cursing was "edited", so to speak... Anyhow,


A Day at the Mall  
I was seriously bored when I wrote this folks. ^.^  
  
Charectors (which by the way were used with no permission whatsoever..^^):  
Rejal - © Sam Schneider  
Sven - © Sam Schneider  
Marisa - © Marisa Hudson  
Drizzt - © R.A. Salvatore  
Carmencita - © Sam Janeston  
Tage - © Sam Janeston  
Miguel - © Dreamworks  
Yecennia - © Nicole Schneider  
Swamp Uglies - © The Swamp Ugly Union  
Surfers & Mall-Going Peeps - © The Surfing & Mall-Going Peeps Union  
Rude and Obscene Drivers - © The Rude and Obscene Drivers Association  
Random People - © Random People, Inc.  
  
* * *  
Scene: A battlefield, near the end of the fight. Miguel, Drizzt, Carmen, Marisa, Miguel, Sven, and Rejal are fighting against some swamp creatures.  
  
Sven: (breathes fire, then looks to Marisa) What was this battle over anyway?  
  
Marisa: (shrugs) I don't know... I think it was that nasty pickle and onion sandwhich you had topped with slugs. You breathed on their swamp.  
  
Sven: Oh. (goes back to breathing fire with his nasty, plant-killing breath)  
  
Drizzt: Watch where you're breathing!  
  
Sven: Sorry!  
  
Miguel: (knocks a swamp ugly over the head with his mandolin)  
  
Swamp Ugly #1: (in pain) Oooooowwwwwwchiiiiieeeeeeeee waaaaawaaaa!  
  
(battle stops with surprised looks on both sides)  
  
Rejal & Carmen in unison: 'Owchie wawa'?  
  
Swamp Ugly #1: (disdainfully) Exactly.  
  
(Carmen and Rejal look at each other. Rejal nods.)  
  
Rejal: Alrighty then. (takes sword and runs it through Swamp Ugly #1)  
  
Swamp Ugly #1: (dies)  
  
Carmen: (runs over to Tage, leaps aboard the stallion and rides over Miguel) Wanna ride?  
  
Miguel: (shrugs) Sure. (hops on)  
  
Swamp Ugly #1: Purty horsie.  
  
Rejal: (scowls) You're supposed to be dead, remember?  
  
Swamp Ugly #1: Sorry. I forgot. (dies again)  
  
Rejal: This time we'll keep it that way. Sven?  
  
Sven: (turns his scaly head to Swamp Ugly #1 and breathes his toxic breath).  
  
Rejal: (nods and then runs SU#1 through with her sword.)  
  
Random Swamp Ugly - Noooo! Not the onion!  
  
(Then, quite suddenly the other Swamp Uglies die as Sven sneezes out with a very, VERY strong onion-breath. As soon as they are dead, Drizzt nods.)  
  
Drizzt: (nods) Well that was interesting...  
  
Marisa: Quite.  
  
ZIP-PING!  
  
(Very suddenly our friends find themselves in a very strange new world. A very scary new world. In other words...modern day America. Hawaii, to be exact.)  
  
(Okay, now, picture this. In the fic, our heros know nothing about the modern world. Nothing about the era of history, because they come from the far past. Okeeday? So, imagine with me as they journey onward..)  
  
Rejal: *beepbeep* Where the (edit)heck(/edit) are we?  
  
Random Surfer Dude: (in surfer dude accent) Whoa, dudes! Can you, like, do tha' again?  
  
Carman: (exchanges glances with Drizzt and Marisa).  
  
Marisa: (exchanges glances with Carmen and Drizzt).  
  
Drizzt: (exchanges glances with Marisa and Car-)  
  
********  
Author: ENOUGH ALREADY!  
********  
  
Drizzt: (-men).  
  
Miguel: (mimicking surfer accent with great ease) Like, dude! Do like, wha' again?  
  
Carmen: (looks at Miguel surprisedly)  
  
Rejal: (raises an eyebrow) What the (edit)heck(/edit)?!  
  
Surfer Dude: (grins) Like, dude! Tha' to'ally tubular freak show when ya popped outta, like, to'ally nowhere!  
  
Miguel: Oooh. Well then, no. Sorry bro.  
  
(Surfer Babe comes up)  
  
Surfer Babe: Like, wow! Where'd you get those, like, totally ancient, like, relics you call clothes? They're like, totally awesme an' all, specially with the old-day fighter get-up an' all, but like, totally, TOTALLY wrong for a day at the beach.  
  
Surfer Dude: To'ally. They wouldn' even blend in at the mall.  
  
Surfer Babe: Oh, my Surf Dude, you are like, so, like, totally wikid awesome!  
  
Surfer Dude: Y' think so?  
  
Surfer Babe: I know so!  
  
(kisskiss smoochsmooch lovedovey scene here)  
  
Carmen: What the (edit)crap(/edit) is a mall?  
  
(kisskiss scene stops)  
  
Surfer Babe: (breathing harder from lack of oxygen) You've like, never been to a mall?! Like, wow, you must be like, so, like, depraved an' all! An' you're all, like, almost ten years older than I am! Like, wow. (points) Go that way till y' see the big building. Go into the big building. That is the mall. Have fun.  
  
Surfer Dude: Buy y'selves a board and boogie with us all la'er!  
  
(Miguel, Drizzt, Carmen, Marisa, and Rejal walk away from the two surfers)  
  
Carmen: Where's Tage?  
  
Rejal: Where's Sven?  
  
Marisa: Did they even come with us?  
  
Miguel: Let's ask the author of this fic who was bored when she wrote this!  
  
Drizzt: Hey! Author Lady!  
  
********  
Author: What?  
********  
  
Drizzt: Were Sven and Tage with us when we came here?  
  
********  
Author: Yes.  
********  
  
Carmen: Where are they?  
  
********  
Author: (dramatically) The Surf Queen with know where to find them!  
********  
  
Rejal: Where/who the (edit)heck(/edit) is the Surf Queen?  
  
********  
Author: (sharply to Rejal) Mind your tongue! (cools down) You must follow this map to.... (bumbumbum!) the.... (bumbumbum) MALL! (sharp chord). Once inside, you are on your own. Search well, and shop till you drop! (disappears)  
********  
  
(Rejal looks to Marisa and Carmen quizzically)  
  
Carmen: Don't look at us; she's YOUR creator.  
  
Rejal: (mutters) Lucky, lucky me...  
  
Drzzt: (grabs map that is floating in the air, and peers at it) Hmm....It says we are to follow the black, dotted lines until we get to the 'X'.  
  
Marisa: (looks around) There are no black, dotted lines anywhere.  
  
Miguel: (points) There are some yellow dotted lines! Surrounded by blackness! That's gotta be as good as what the map says!  
  
Rejal: What is the blackness though?  
  
Carmen: Look! There are people walking on the blackness! Therefore we can too!  
  
(They enter onto the blackness, walking over to the yellow dotted lines. They begin to follow the dotted lines.)  
  
*BEEPBEEP*  
  
Rude Driver #1: Hey you stupid...  
  
Rude Driver #2: Morons!  
  
Rude Driver #3: Get off the road!  
  
*BEEPBEEPBEEP*  
  
(Looking around, they see great metallic horses of many different colors and varieties following them, and coming toward them. Inside the metallic horses are humans who are yelling obscenities at our heros.)  
  
Rude Driver #4: (waves an obscene hand gesture)  
  
Rejal: (grabs her sword) That was TOTALLY uncalled for! (the sword blade flashes)  
  
Rude Driver #4: (screams in pain)  
  
(suddenly whirling lights and a loud, wailing siren start up, getting louder and louder)  
  
Marisa: Run!  
  
(group runs)  
  
(Very suddenly they see a great building, that reaches high into the sky, and is very wide. They run inside.)  
  
POOF!  
  
(The map vanishes.)  
  
Carmen: This must be the mall..  
  
Miguel: Now, where's the Surf Queen?  
  
Drizzt: The Author, well, Demontale, said we must search well, and shop till we drop.  
  
Rejal: Who can think about shopping when Sven and Tage are missing?  
  
Miguel: (points) Ooo! Look! Instruments!  
  
Marisa: That answer your question?  
  
Rejal: Yep.  
  
Carmen: Why don't we split up?  
  
Rejal: Okay. Couples together!  
  
Marisa: (narrows eyes) You don't have a beau....  
  
Rejal: Exactly!  
  
Carmen: Uh uh! No way are we letting you off on your own. No telling what trouble you'll cause.  
  
Rejal: (pouts)  
  
Drizzt: I'll go with Miguel, and you three can go together.  
  
(split up)  
  
(Carmen, Marisa, and Rejal take off to the upstairs while Miguel and Drizzt keep to the main floor)  
  
***********  
Scene: Upstairs with our three heroines.  
***********  
  
Carmen: Look! Weapons!  
  
Rejal: (drools) Swords, bows, and...look...nifty metallic things!  
  
Marisa: Let's go in!  
  
(enter store)  
  
Manager Guy: May I help you ladies?  
  
Rejal: (points at metallic things) What are those?  
  
Manager: (surprised) Ma'am, those're guns.  
  
Rejal: (confused) Ooh. Explain.  
  
Manager: (Shaking his head in disbelief.) Okaay... Well, y'see this here gun I got in my hand? This is a pistol. (turns and aims at a target) Watch.  
  
POWPOW! POWPOWPOW! POW!  
  
(On the target is a smiley face design where the bullets when through.)  
  
Carmen: So, you make art with guns?  
  
Manager: Well...kind of.  
  
Marisa: Explain the use of guns.  
  
Manager: (has never seen a drow before) Nice costume. Anyhow, you point the gun, it's a weapon really. Cock it and take aim. Then y'fire.  
  
Rejal: May I try?  
  
Manager: (doesn't see Carmen and Marisa flailing their arms and mouthing 'No'!) Sure.  
  
Rejal: (takes a gun form the wall, and aims at the target.)  
  
BAM!  
  
(A hole is shot clean through the target.)  
  
Manager: You...you picked up a rifle!  
  
Rejal: A rifle? Cool.  
  
Manager: Leave! Go! Exit my store! If anyone finds out you tried a rifle I'll be fired!  
  
Carmen: With a rifle?  
  
(Marisa, Carmen, and Rejal leave.)  
  
***********  
Scene: Miguel, Drizzt and Yecennia on first floor.  
***********  
  
Miguel: So, how did you get here, Yecen?  
  
Yecennia: Well, I was tending to my duties as tribe leader, when all of a sudden I heard a zip-ping and ended up here.  
  
Drizzt: Us, too.  
  
Yecennia: I knew you were all here because I saw your pet horse and serpent earlier.  
  
Miguel: Where?!  
  
Yecennia: They were at the food area over there. Scared many people half to death. A strange women came in and they followed her out to the top floor.  
  
Drizzt: Let's go!  
  
Yecennia: Go? But I've barely finished my fizzy!  
  
Miguel: (stops) Is that fizzy good?  
  
Yecennia: You think you've died and gone to Valhalla.  
  
Drizzt: Do you see Wiseguy there?  
  
Miguel: I wanna fizzy!  
  
Drizzt: (rolls eyes) Where do we find the fizzies?  
  
Yecennia: (leads them to the Food Court where there's a Dessert Section. Takes them over to the store she got hers from.) Bud? Y'there?  
  
Bud: Watcha' want?  
  
Yecennia: Two fizzies for my friends here.  
  
Bud: What flavor?  
  
Miguel: F-fl-flavor? (....in heaven....)  
  
Bud: Yeah, Mac. Vanilla, Chocolate, Strawberry, Blueberry, Grape, Orange, Cocoanut, Kiwi, Lime, Lemon, Watermelon, Suicide...?  
  
Drizzt: His name is Miguel; not 'Mac'. (frowns)  
  
Bud: Whatever. Look, what flavor?  
  
Miguel: What about a Suicide, Drizzt?  
  
Drizzt: What is a suicide? Isn't that to take your own life?  
  
Bud: (getting annoyed) A Suicide is a fizzy that has all the flavors mixed together. Now, order or move aside.  
  
Miguel: Mmm.....two suicides please!  
  
Bud: (makes suicide fizzies) That'll be two bucks.  
  
Drizzt: Two bucks? We have not two deer to trade.  
  
Bud: (raises and eyebrow) Deer? Dude, gimme my money!  
  
Yecennia: (whispers) Hand him two coins, Drizzt.  
  
Drizzt: (nods and takes two coins out of his pockets. Magically the coins become two crisp, green, dollar bills.)  
  
Bud: Thanks, now move out.  
  
(leaves)  
  
Miguel: Mmm......nummy fizzy.  
  
Drizzt: (points) What is that?  
  
Yecennia: The sign near it says 'Ele-'... 'Ele-Vate-Ore'...  
  
Miguel: Is it a ride? (slurps his fizzy)  
  
(people get out as doors open)  
  
Yecennia: Looks like it.  
  
Drizzt: Let's go!  
  
(run to elevator) (get inside)  
  
Little Boy: What floor do you guys and your purty lady friend want?  
  
Drizzt: (looks down to little boy) Top floor.  
  
Little Boy: (pushes button) Elalator go up! (pushes button) Elalator go down! Elalator go uuuup! Elalator go dooooooown!  
  
(much motion)  
  
Miguel: (vein popping out of his forehead) Look you little brat! You're making me spill my fizzy! Stoppit and get us to our floor!  
  
Little Boy: (screams)  
  
Drizzt: (sighs and pushes a random button, which happens to be the top floor)  
  
(door opens, they get out)  
  
Yecennia: Now, then, where do we go?  
  
Rejal: (yells) Hey guys!  
  
Marisa: Why did you come up here?  
  
Miguel: (noisily slurps his fizzy) Um, Yecenn said she saw some woman lead Tage an' Sven up here.  
  
Drizzt: (drinks fizzy and nods)  
  
Yecennia: All we have to find out is where they are.  
  
Carmen: (points) What is that?  
  
Miguel: It's called a fizzy. It's very tasty, very high in fat and sugars, but very, very good.  
  
Carmen: Sugar? (looks to Drizzt) You let him have sugar?!  
  
Rejal: (looks around) Huh, what if we try that shop?  
  
Marisa: What shop?  
  
Rejal: The one that says Ancient Mystics.  
  
Yecennia: Looks about right for a strange woman running around with a horse and dragon.  
  
(dumdumdum...walkwalkwalk...slurpslurpslurp)  
  
Rejal: Allo? Anyone in?  
  
(faint voice): I'm the back room! Come in!  
  
(walk in)  
  
(A young women comes out from a door wearing a long, black robe)  
  
Woman: I am Laha Olewa. Welcome to my store. What can I interest you in?  
  
Carmen: A dragon and a stallion. Answer to Sven and Tage.  
  
Laha: Oh, I'm afraid they aren't for sale miss. Sorry.  
  
Drizzt: What do you mean they aren't for sale? They aren't sale items! Therefore you can't seel them! They are our friends!  
  
Miguel: (moans)  
  
Marisa: What's the matter with him?  
  
Laha: He has a brain freeze. Leave me alone.  
  
Carmen: Witch! You made my poor Miguel's brain freeze! Witch!  
  
Laha: I'm not a witch.  
  
Yecennia: Well then, what are you?  
  
Laha: A telemarketer for my store.  
  
Rejal: That's almost as bad! You salespeople are evil!  
  
(Whilst they are arguing how evil telemarketers are, Marisa slinks away behind Laha to the back room.)  
  
Marisa: (whispers) Sven?  
  
Sven: What?  
  
Marisa: Is Tage with you?  
  
Sven: Uh huh.  
  
Marisa: Come on, we'll get you out of here!  
  
Sven: (stubbornly) But I haven't finished my fizzy!  
  
Marisa: Enough with the stupid fizzies! I've heard enough of 'fizzy' to beat someone's head in! Do you want that someone to be you? Come on, Rejal and the other's are waiting.  
  
Sven: (murmers) Fine. C'mon, Tage.  
  
(Exit backroom.)  
  
Rejal: You telemarketers are the bane of my nightmares! (takes out her sword)  
  
Carmen: (holds Rejal back) I'll let her go if you don't cure my poor Miguel and give us back Sven and Tage!  
  
Laha: Nothin' doin.  
  
Carmen: (shrugs) You asked for it. (let's Rejal go)  
  
Rejal: Aiiie!  
  
Laha: Security!  
  
(Two big, buff security guards run in with weapons drawn.)  
  
Rejal: Hey! How come you guys get guns from that guy at the gun store, but I don't?!  
  
Security Guy 1 & 2: (shrugs)  
  
Carmen: (before security guys can fire) Is there anyway to fix Miguel's brain freeze?  
  
Security Guy #1: Um...trying warming him up.  
  
Carmen: Ah. Thanks. (pecks Miguel on the forehead)  
  
Miguel: Ugn... Ooo... Why, my Carmencita! I didn't know I meant so much to you!  
  
Carmen: Shut up.  
  
Miguel: Can we go now?  
  
Marisa: Yes. And if you, Witch lady, don't let us, Sven here will burn you and Tage with trample you.  
  
Laha: (moves aside very quickly)  
  
(out of the mall)  
  
Rejal: Now what?  
  
Miguel: Can we surf?  
  
Drizzt: (shrugs) Well, we have no way to get home yet.  
  
Marisa: I guess.  
  
(They run to the beach, following the same yellow lines again.)  
  
Rude Driver #5: Hey you $%#$$#% $#@$!  
  
Rejal: (points menacingly to her sword with one hand, the other hand flashes one finger)  
  
Rude Driver #5: (shuts up)  
  
(At the beach)  
  
Surfer Dude: Hey, you like, made it! Tha's awesome! C'mon, let's go ge' a board for you dudes and babes! You'll need some swim stuff too!  
  
(So, Surfer Dude takes them to a bunch of shops. In the end, they all end up with a surf board, including Tage and Sven. Rejal ends up with a scarlet one piece swimsuit. Marisa with a green bikini. Yecennia with a purple bikini. Carmen with a red bikini (with shorts). Miguel with blue swim trunks with white flowers. And Drizzt with pruple trunks that have yellow flowers.)  
  
(On the surf boards, amazingly they all mostly have good surfing skills.)  
  
Miguel: Woohoo!  
  
Yecennia: This'll be a great story to tell to my tribe!  
  
Sven: I'll be laughed out of the Temples of Draconry.  
  
Tage: (whinny snort)  
  
Sven: Don't laugh at me! (bares fangs)  
  
Rejal: This is way easy.  
  
Marisa: I know, it's, well, unsual.  
  
Carmen: Uh huh. But then again, so is the author.  
  
********  
Author: Ahem!  
********  
  
(Suddenly a great wave comes for our heros, rising higher than a skyscraper. It comes down upon them! Will they survive?)  
  
Later....  
  
(Eight surfboards are swept onto the shore. No riders are found)  
  
***********  
POOF!  
***********  
  
(Our heros are washed ashore somewhere....else...)  
  
Rejal: (kisses Sven) Where back home! Good old battlefield!  
  
Marisa: Now what?  
  
Miguel: (moans)  
  
Carmen: What is it, Miguel?  
  
Miguel: I left my fizzy back at the mall!  
  
********  
Author: Wasn't that fun, kiddies?  
  
No? Grrrr...oh well, it served my boredom. ^.^ Bye...  
  



End file.
